fact and fiction work as a team

Chest tight, dry throat, stuffy nose. I'm awake, but asleep. It's just before eight in the evening and I still feel the Nyquil I took last night. I don't handle being sick very well. Thank goodness it only happens once a year or so.

Most other random flashes of discomfort over the last six months I can probably attribute to work. When I was getting started, the anxiety level (plus all the caffeine I ingested) manifested itself daily in unannounced, sporadic shots of pain down my lungs. As I relaxed and acclimated to the workload, the pain went away. Now the workload's increasing, the projects are getting more complicated. It's good because it's challenging and puts me out of my comfort zone. It's bad because the anxiety and the bad habits are creeping back in, only now they're heightened against the backdrop of the economic situation and segment reorganization -- it's not a question of if, but when and who's leaving.

This climate makes certain things look "good" and "bad." A manager made abundantly clear this afternoon that asking my teammates' help for 2 hours every month with a particularly time-consuming distribution project (which would take over 4 hours alone) is now "bad" because it makes it look like we have too much time on our hands. Not like anyone could call or email the ever-present Blackberry if they needed urgent assistance -- or just be old-school and show some patience. Gotta stick around and be there in person, I guess.

Strong divergence from the message heretofore of "try not to worry about reorganization -- it's out of your hands anyway. Keep doing the work you're doing." Projecting personal fears of what may happen onto the audience they've told to avoid doing the same. It was the most belittling moment in an experience that's otherwise been overwhelmingly positive. Suddenly, everyone else's responsibilities became far too important to be bothered with selflessly pitching in and helping out.